At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
