i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
