I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
