pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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