your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
