Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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