i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
