Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
