I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
