This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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