So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
