Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
