oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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