A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
