I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
