Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
