I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
