Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My ass is underappreciated
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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