i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
