So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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