It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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