so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
