i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
