If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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