The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
