And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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