what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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