what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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