Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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