Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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