dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
