Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
