I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
