He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We left an ass print on the piano.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
