just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
