Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
