Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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