I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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