Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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