By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
