Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
