do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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