My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
