Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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