2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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