Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
