the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
