is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
