What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
