I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
