I cannot find my penis.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
